Dear Readers,
I love this...I'm starting to get feedback and questions by the handful! Thank you SOOOO much for your questions and responses! I LOVE YOU!
George (fictitious) writs:
"Dear Truth,
For quite sometime now I have been burdened with heavy expenses and a personal situation that has been unbearable. There are things that overwhelm me, family members that come to me for help - and I can't help them, and I feel so lost and helpless. I used to be of a solid financial status that allowed me to help all of my kids with their financial needs and now I can't even provide for myself or my spouse. Luckily, I have a family member that has taken me and my spouse into their home for an indefinate amount of time, but I feel so guilty that I can't contribute to the household fund.....What do I do? I am so blessed but feel so wrought and sad. I want to continue helping but I cant. Please offer me a suggestion!
Sincerely,
George"
Dear George:
First of all....SMILE! There is hope for you! You sound like a man that has been blessed for so many years to be able to reach out to people and shore them up (yes - to shore is to stabilize a wall on a ship when it has had damage and is flooding) until the waters receeded and they could carry on. It sounds like you have been a life preserver and a rescuer for your family who looks up to you and adores everything about you! How fortunate are you that God has now blessed your life with someone who has the ways and means to shore you up and be your life preserver? I am ASS-U-ME'ing that you are staying with family now in your time of need. George...what comes around goes around and I'm sure that whomever took you in, whomever is creating that household fund FOR YOU, loves you very much. God has blessed them abundantly so that they can, in return, bless you as well. My advice to you, dear sir, is to take one deep breath. Go ahead...innnnnnnnnnnnnnn hold and reeeleasssssssse nice and slow....that a' way! Now listen to me. coming from someone who is in a similar situation...sort of...blessings come from left field sometimes. It isn't up to us to wonder why, or what can I do, or am I enough. It is God's way of letting you know that YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT PLACE. You have been the KING of your family and world for so long, it might be time to pass the crown. Allow your caretakers to coddle and love you. Allow them to nurture you and give you what you need. You need not feel guilty for accepting someone's kindness. Someone once told me that guilt is a wasted emotion. I mostly believe this. Guilt allows us to know when we have done something wrong and most of us take the next step, which is taking responsibility and apologizing to make things right. You, dearest George, have done NOTHING wrong! You have helped your family, you have reached out to be the blessing time and time again and now it is your turn to accept gifts in return. That's all! That simple! Many people are so terribly worried about this recession we are in! But look at our households nowadays...more and more parents are moving in with their children or other relatives. More and more college students are staying home longer. Think about what times were like WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY back when. Isn't that the way families USED to be before greed took over our social climate? Families lived together their whole lives! Mommies and Daddies took care of their children until they were married, then the children took care of the mommies and daddies! We have now returned to that way of life because of....a recession? Seriously? That is the way it should have always been and just maybe, God is MAKING it that way again. Today's society is so full of technology, emotionless emails and texts, that something had to have happened to reconnect people. So all in all....you have not lost anything, dear George, you are loved and well taken care of and should just bask in the blessings! Everyone needs help from time to time and good for you for being such a wonderful person to have given that out when you could and that someone now WANTS to give it back to you. So you have nothing to feel guilty for! You've done nothing wrong, no apologies needed, you are simply blessed with people who love you without strings attached! How wonderful!
I do have one piece of advice for you...shake that guilt!! It serves no one but the enemy. You are rich in love and life. Close your eyes and bathe in that for just a few minutes. Allow that love to wash over you always and know that you deserve it! There is a reason your family loves you so much. Embrace that instead of the what-ifs or if I could only's. Live your life...love your life...the people IN your life sure love you! And that...is the Butt Ugly Truth!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Savannah's Story
"Savannah" wrote me this:
Dear Truth:
I am 22 and have been in a relationship with my fiance for the last 2 years. We are to be married soon but I am having a difficult time with his 7 year old daughter. She doesn't live with us - which I am TOTALLY happy about. I don't want to be a mom. Not even a step mom! I don't like her, she is such a pain. When she visits she takes all of his time and I have a say in nothing. It's my house and I feel like they completely ignore me when she's there. How do I tell my fiance that when we are married I don't want her there? Please help me - Sincerely, "Savannah"
Dear Savannah -
SERIOUSLY???? REALLY???? First of all, thank you for writing me. (By the way readers, Savannah is actually a fictious name, but her story is real) Savannah, sweetie, understand first and foremeost that my response comes from both a spirit of reality and love for all things God given. My advice to you is to not get married at all. Marriage is about the joining of not just two people, but two long lives merging into one. It's about bringing people - families - together. When you fell in love with your fiance and professed your love to him, that means that you love EVERYTHING about him, including his daughter. Even though the popular theory about marriage is that it's about me and him, forget everyone else, that isn't how it really works. ESPECIALLY when there is a child involved. If you marry him, you get all of him. His past, his present, his future, his family, his friends and everything that has made him who he is. There is a seven year old CHILD involved. A person in the making. A girl with dreams, aspirations, and love in her heart for her daddy. On her behalf, how dare you judge their relationship with such jealousy! Remember, you said you didn't choose her, but she didn't choose you either. But she is reaching out to you and you should reach out to her as well. A child ...she is a child...how can you not love the very spirit of ...a child. One who doesn't have both her parents under the same roof. One that has to hear the fighting over money and custody. One who feels stress and hurt when one parent talks poorly of the other and takes it personally. Look at it from her perspective. Now she is going to have an evil step mom who hates her. That will eventually turn into her not wanting to spend time with her father because of your obvious feelings for her. Now you've robbed her of the love and relationship that every child should have with their parent. THAT...is the butt ugly truth that will impact her life and heart FOREVER.
There...I feel a little bit better. As you grow through life, Savannah, invest in your heart and your spirit. Accept that he is being a mentor and a daddy to his little girl and when she is there, step aside and allow her to be the apple of his eye. He still loves you, but a father and daughter bond is something rare. There aren't enough father's rights out there as it is for dad's who truely want to be there and are often cast aside without a clue to what's going on. I applaud him for being there for his daughter and protecting his relationship with her. You can choose to be a mentor and a source of light to her or you can continue to poison your own pool of happiness because you aren't always the princess. I'm sure you are a loving human being that just needs a few more years of life experience under her belt to understand that life is about giving. He loves you enough to promise you a life together, I encourage you to open your arms really wide...accept that you are good enough to love....and that a child IS a beautiful thing. Your own jealousy will fade in time as you grow to accept this. Remember, Savannah, to the world you may be one person, but to ONE PERSON, you may be the world. Embrace that spirit and pass it out with a smile on your face and I promise you that you will receive it back tenfold. When you love someone unconditionally, meaning that no matter what they do you love them through it, you will receive that love back a million times over. Good luck, Savannah, and keep us posted.
Dear Truth:
I am 22 and have been in a relationship with my fiance for the last 2 years. We are to be married soon but I am having a difficult time with his 7 year old daughter. She doesn't live with us - which I am TOTALLY happy about. I don't want to be a mom. Not even a step mom! I don't like her, she is such a pain. When she visits she takes all of his time and I have a say in nothing. It's my house and I feel like they completely ignore me when she's there. How do I tell my fiance that when we are married I don't want her there? Please help me - Sincerely, "Savannah"
Dear Savannah -
SERIOUSLY???? REALLY???? First of all, thank you for writing me. (By the way readers, Savannah is actually a fictious name, but her story is real) Savannah, sweetie, understand first and foremeost that my response comes from both a spirit of reality and love for all things God given. My advice to you is to not get married at all. Marriage is about the joining of not just two people, but two long lives merging into one. It's about bringing people - families - together. When you fell in love with your fiance and professed your love to him, that means that you love EVERYTHING about him, including his daughter. Even though the popular theory about marriage is that it's about me and him, forget everyone else, that isn't how it really works. ESPECIALLY when there is a child involved. If you marry him, you get all of him. His past, his present, his future, his family, his friends and everything that has made him who he is. There is a seven year old CHILD involved. A person in the making. A girl with dreams, aspirations, and love in her heart for her daddy. On her behalf, how dare you judge their relationship with such jealousy! Remember, you said you didn't choose her, but she didn't choose you either. But she is reaching out to you and you should reach out to her as well. A child ...she is a child...how can you not love the very spirit of ...a child. One who doesn't have both her parents under the same roof. One that has to hear the fighting over money and custody. One who feels stress and hurt when one parent talks poorly of the other and takes it personally. Look at it from her perspective. Now she is going to have an evil step mom who hates her. That will eventually turn into her not wanting to spend time with her father because of your obvious feelings for her. Now you've robbed her of the love and relationship that every child should have with their parent. THAT...is the butt ugly truth that will impact her life and heart FOREVER.
There...I feel a little bit better. As you grow through life, Savannah, invest in your heart and your spirit. Accept that he is being a mentor and a daddy to his little girl and when she is there, step aside and allow her to be the apple of his eye. He still loves you, but a father and daughter bond is something rare. There aren't enough father's rights out there as it is for dad's who truely want to be there and are often cast aside without a clue to what's going on. I applaud him for being there for his daughter and protecting his relationship with her. You can choose to be a mentor and a source of light to her or you can continue to poison your own pool of happiness because you aren't always the princess. I'm sure you are a loving human being that just needs a few more years of life experience under her belt to understand that life is about giving. He loves you enough to promise you a life together, I encourage you to open your arms really wide...accept that you are good enough to love....and that a child IS a beautiful thing. Your own jealousy will fade in time as you grow to accept this. Remember, Savannah, to the world you may be one person, but to ONE PERSON, you may be the world. Embrace that spirit and pass it out with a smile on your face and I promise you that you will receive it back tenfold. When you love someone unconditionally, meaning that no matter what they do you love them through it, you will receive that love back a million times over. Good luck, Savannah, and keep us posted.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Six Years Ago
Six years ago I was shrouded in uncertainty and doubt.
Six years ago I was clinically depressed and at times, comtemplated suicide.
Six years ago I was underneath the weight of the ocean and had to roll pennies to buy milk and I learned that it was cheaper to make bread than to buy it.
Six years ago my marriage was failing, because of me.
Six years ago my kids were dependant on someone who couldnt even take care of themself.
Six years ago I went to church and prayed for adversity so that it would bring me the ability to move closer to God through prayer. As if I didn't already have enough adversity!
Five years ago I awoke to Icelandic sunrises and sat in wonder of the auroa borealis.
Five years ago I continued to pray for God to work through me to create peace within me.
Five years ago I went through an emotional and spritual transformation that I still don't understand, but it is not mine to question.
Five years ago we reinvented our marriage and find ways to fall in love all over again everyday.
Five years ago my kids got a mother made over.
Four years ago we became debt free.
Four years ago there became a consistent joy in my life that I had never had ability to accept before
Four years ago I re-learned how to love life and all of the people in it
Four years ago I was able to really give back to those in need.
Three years ago I walked a half marathon to raise money for breast cancer research
Three years ago I was blessed with a vegetable garden and flowers
Three years ago I prayed that God would take my internal joy and love and transform it yet again into a ball of light for all to see
Two years ago I was given countless opportunities to reach out and teach others to love and give.
Two years ago I continued to praise Him for bathing me in His blessings and grace.
One year ago I walked 26.2 miles, with only Christ by my side, in the driving rain for seven hours in order to find a cure for breast cancer. I have conquered my depression and most of my anxiety. I have a will to live and give like never before and am abundantly blessed so that I can do so easily and freely. God has blessed my marriage ten fold, he has blessed my children and friends, he finds us as the shepard finds the sheep that has strayed from the flock.
"I can do ALL things through Christ, who strenthens me" Phillipians 4:13
"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 41:30-31
Six years ago I was clinically depressed and at times, comtemplated suicide.
Six years ago I was underneath the weight of the ocean and had to roll pennies to buy milk and I learned that it was cheaper to make bread than to buy it.
Six years ago my marriage was failing, because of me.
Six years ago my kids were dependant on someone who couldnt even take care of themself.
Six years ago I went to church and prayed for adversity so that it would bring me the ability to move closer to God through prayer. As if I didn't already have enough adversity!
Five years ago I awoke to Icelandic sunrises and sat in wonder of the auroa borealis.
Five years ago I continued to pray for God to work through me to create peace within me.
Five years ago I went through an emotional and spritual transformation that I still don't understand, but it is not mine to question.
Five years ago we reinvented our marriage and find ways to fall in love all over again everyday.
Five years ago my kids got a mother made over.
Four years ago we became debt free.
Four years ago there became a consistent joy in my life that I had never had ability to accept before
Four years ago I re-learned how to love life and all of the people in it
Four years ago I was able to really give back to those in need.
Three years ago I walked a half marathon to raise money for breast cancer research
Three years ago I was blessed with a vegetable garden and flowers
Three years ago I prayed that God would take my internal joy and love and transform it yet again into a ball of light for all to see
Two years ago I was given countless opportunities to reach out and teach others to love and give.
Two years ago I continued to praise Him for bathing me in His blessings and grace.
One year ago I walked 26.2 miles, with only Christ by my side, in the driving rain for seven hours in order to find a cure for breast cancer. I have conquered my depression and most of my anxiety. I have a will to live and give like never before and am abundantly blessed so that I can do so easily and freely. God has blessed my marriage ten fold, he has blessed my children and friends, he finds us as the shepard finds the sheep that has strayed from the flock.
"I can do ALL things through Christ, who strenthens me" Phillipians 4:13
"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 41:30-31
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